Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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