hotel room ftw
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
