Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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