I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I need moral support for this bender
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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