He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
