i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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