apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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