Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
