now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
