I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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