I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
