he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
