oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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