My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Sober January is a disaster.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
