You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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