the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
