he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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