Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
