My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
