WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
