eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
