Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
