i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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