dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
