didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
