We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
