I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
my liver is dry heaving
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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