He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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