My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
