my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's shark week go big or go home
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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