hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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