Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
