It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
