We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
