I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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