Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
