im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
