brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
