for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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