don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
