I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
