If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
