Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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