We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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