This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i drank out of a bidet.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
