and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
