Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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