So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
