She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
