i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
