I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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