and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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